What If Nostalgia Critic Reviews Mortal Kombat's Story Mode
After several years, I thought of Nostalgia Critic reviewing Mortal Kombat (2011). Now I can't really write a whole transcript but I thought of some possible stuff he'd criticize about the game's story. I admit, I love the game better than its predecessors, it's entirely fresh and it's a great game. But the Story Mode... well I had facedesked too many times while playing it. So I'll try to think of how Nostalgia Critic would review the game.
So everything starts with the opening. He would start to describe the carnage with some funny facial effects. Then we're treated to the scene where Shao Kahn wins. He might say, "So we see Raiden and Shao Kahn are the last two standing in Mortal Kombat. This of course makes me go WTF with how Shao Kahn really beats Raiden up. But Raiden not willing to die without a fight decides to send some vague message. Really? He must win? So Raiden's message starts to go backwards to the first Mortal Kombat tournament!"
So I guess he'll start to actually make fun of Johnny Cage's actions. So he's taking them out and he's trying to woo Sonya. I guess he might put in a lot of references to the old Mortal Kombat movie way back in 1995 every now and then. This may include scenes between Kano and Shang Tsung. Plus, we're probably going to get more references of the Mortal Kombat film when it's time for Sonya's chapter. Sonya's chapters has Kano involved as an active main antagonist. So he'd probably say that Jax's capture didn't happen in the first film. Or something like that. He'd probably say that at least Reptile didn't get to have a delayed battle.
Then he'll proceed to Scorpion's chapter. He might say, "Wait a minute! Kung Lao was there all along?! How come nobody noticed him?!" Then he might mock Kung Lao. Then Raiden appears trying to alter the shift of time yet again. He might say, "Really Raiden?! You'd beg the Elder Gods to revive the Shirai Ryu? In the last game, they were just turned into the undead. You might as well consider Scorpion's fury!" He might insert as many Ghost Rider jokes as possible. Then he says, "Well Sub-Zero ends up getting scorched regardless of Raiden's efforts. Nice job, Raiden. Nice job. And we're treated to where Scorpion drops the skull. And he might play that sound effect on Johnny Cage yet again.
He might comment that finally we're seeing Cyrax's human form. Then we're probably going to have him say wait that never happened in the first two games. Or something like that. Then we'd also learn about the Lin Kuei. He'd probably comment that Cyrax's conflict with Sektor as well, more detailed than in any versions of them outside canon.
When it comes to Liu Kang, well there's a lot to joke about. First, he'd say, "So Liu Kang progressed that far? I didn't even get to play as him for four chapters ago! How did he progress this far!" We'd probably get Liu Kang/Kitana jokes coming from the very first Mortal Kombat film. He'd probably say, "But since Sub-Zero had died, there's no reason for Kitana to lecture Liu Kang on what to do next." Then we're going to have all those battles where he goes against Goro. He'd say, "Well, that was the official line. Johnny Cage didn't beat Goro."
He'd probably comment like, "At least we don't see Sonya screaming for help. We don't see some crazy scenes of sunglasses being crushed. But what disappoints me to think is that Shang Tsung and Liu Kang don't engage anyone in the pit. I mean, I would have wanted to see Liu Kang knock Shang Tsung into the pit but... you know why."
I guess this is where he'll probably get more comical. The Mortal Kombat II storyline has Shang Tsung begging for another chance. So we're here with Shang Tsung sayign what if the rules coudl be changed. Maybe he might say, "Really? Wasn't it that the rules can't be changed?!" He might proceed with saying, "Well at least, we're getting something better than Mortal Kombat Annihilation!" Then we might have him mock Shang Tsung's revitalization, Jax's misunderstanding with Johnny Cage and maybe that moment Sonya is rescued.
As for Smoke and the younger Sub-Zero. So he'll say, "So I guess at least we see Smoke in his human form and he's not just there to be destroyed." He might say, "So how did Shang Tsung learn to use freeze moves? Provided he stole a lot of souls, a cryomancer must have been part of that collection!" When it comes to Sub-Zero, he might actually have that moment like, "Well that line was from the movie but at least it's better." Before that, he may also say, "So WTF?! Jax's arms get ripped off? But at least, there's a good reason to give him bionic implants! But it's still stupid!" Then he might actually say that the younger Sub-Zero fighting Scorpion was something missing in MK Annihilation while criticizing the direction to why the younger Sub-Zero got caught.
He might really start to get into Kitana's chapter. He might say, "So Kitana and Jade are best friends but now they're fighting? What in the world?!" Then he'd go into the flesh pits and make some bizarre statements. He might really start to say, "Looks like her? Come on! How can that monstrosity look like Kitana? They look ABSOLUTELY nothing alike!" This may result to him actually going nuts when he sees Shao Kahn reveal the sad truth about Kitana. Then he says, "But seriously? How can Mileena be Kahn's daughter? NEVER MIND!"
So we go to Jade's chapter which starts off with some scenes against Baraka and Sheeva. But the most funny part might be against Mileena. The part he might make fun of is the part where Smoke mistakes Mileena for Kitana. He might say, "Seriously?! Mileena's Tarkatan eyes give her off so easily in this game. At least, the only thing that looked different back then was her Tarkatan mouth. It's really WTF stupid that Smoke thought Mileena is Kitana." Then he says, "So Liu Kang and Kung Lao go into the tower where things start to get nasty.
He might not focus too much on Kung Lao vs. Goro but he might say, "So Kung Lao avenges his ancestor. But that's not enough. Just wait 'til you get into the arena." He might start making fun of Raiden's mistakes again with "He must win." I don't think he'd talk too much about Kung Lao's battles with Shang Tsung and Quan Chi in an endurance match or Kintaro's appearance. But he might actually say, "WTF! Shao Kahn just broke Kung Lao's neck? Man, I know he's the bad guy but still, that was uncalled for!" It will be followed up with, "So Liu Kang gets angry seeing Kung Lao die before is eyes. Then we see Liu Kang defeats Shao Kahn, mortally wounds him and the day is saved... or is it? Unfortunately, Raiden's amulet continues to crack."
The Outworld Invasion
Nostalgia Critic might say that, "So Shao Kahn wasn't dead yet. He was healed by Quan Chi." Then he might make fun of Motaro's appearance saying, "Well I'm sure this guy doesn't have much to do." Then we're taken the desert scene where Sindel is resurrected. The scene itself is just so FUNNY with Sindel getting resurrected and she's not wearing anything at all. He'd probably say, "How could Quan Chi and Noob Saibot remain so calm?! Quan Chi could speak to Sindel without any reaction and she's F*CKING NAKED. That scene was just quite dumb!"
We're seeing the scene where Kabal and Stryker are actually fighting. Then we might get something like, "So Kabal and Stryker are now fending off the invasion. Reptile shows up and starts to cause trouble. Then of course Mileena. But wait 'til you see what happens when Kintaro arrives." The scene where Kintaro burns Kabal to a crisp ends up with something like, "That should have happened in that stupid Annihilation film where the two were just mentioned!"
Kabal's scene would probably get the Star Wars scene or Deadpool for that matter. But more on Star Wars with Anakin becoming a cyborg. "So Kabal becomes Darth Vader, no mask no breathing. Is he a Darth Vader wannabee or what?" Then it's time for the scene of Kabal fighting Sheeva and Cyber Sub-Zero. We might see a scene of Predator popping up due to the resemblance or maybe Fulgore from Killer Instinct. He might also make fun of Motaro's arrival as a dead corpse saying, "At least Mortal Kombat Annihilation had Jax kill Motaro!" For the scene where Shang Tsung dies, he might actually play a scene of Starscream getting killed by Galvatron as a reference.
After that part, we'll see Cyber-Sub Zero restored. But this also starts with the fight with Sektor which Nostalgia Critic might start whining about how bad MK Annihilation is. He might make fun of the fact Kano uses his eye laser here but never uses it at all in the game. Or he might also address Goro and Kintaro Then we're going to see the scene of both Sub-Zeros reuniting as shadows of their former selves. He might say, "So both brothers reunite but... it's not a friendly one!" This results to the scene with Nightwolf. He might make fun of the scene where Noob Saibot is absorbed into the Soulnado.
The scene that he might make fun more of is Sindel's arrival. So he might say, "So Raiden and Liu Kang ask the Elder Gods to intervene. Unfortunately Sindel arrives and it's a more badass scene than Annihilation. I really think this scene though is still WTF with how everyone but Johnny and Sonya dies. Raiden tries to plead with the Elder Gods and seriously doesn't he know an invasion is not necessarily a merger. As said, Raiden you've gone full retard and Liu Kang has every right to hate you now" The scene where Kitana dies in Liu Kang's arms might be given a moment of silence.
For Raiden's chapter and the last chapter, it's really worth making fun of. Nostalgia Critic might say, "So really Raiden, you think Quan Chi will help you? Man, you're so retarded you don't even deserve to protect Earthrealm!" He might even say, "Well it's your fault! You deserve all the blame! It's your fault that the dead warriors are now after you! They're Revenants no thanks to you and your idiocy!" Then he might really make fun of the fact that, "Well Raiden, what took you a long time to figure it out that Shao Kahn can only be punished by the Elder Gods if he decides to merge realms without victory? Well done, don't expect a happy ending moron!"
So Raiden returns to Liu Kang. Nostalgia Critic might even start to throw in the scene from Deadly Alliance where Liu Kang dies compared with this scene. Then this calls for another WTF moment where he might say that Liu Kang's situation was understandable. Then he would actually make fun of Raiden's feigned surrender, Shao Kahn going full brute and then the scene where the Elder Gods finally destroy Shao Kahn. And he might really still berate Raiden so hard.
I guess his closing words would be, "So Armageddon is prevented but at the greatest of costs. Yes, and in fact, Shinnok appears getting things ready. So what's next? Watch out for my views on Mortal Kombat X!"