My Experience Of Seeing Conan the Barbarian As A Child

I remembered watching the cartoon called Conan the Adventurer which was a child's show. Like every child I had no idea that it was based on an adult franchise called Conan the Barbarian by the late Robert E. Howard. Howard was the writer of the Conan series which started with Conan as king but goes back and forth to give us details of how Conan was as a barbarian and how he was as a king. But I could talk about how the first Conan movie shocked me as a child.

What's there to be shocked about? It's the fact that the movie wasn't meant to be family friendly. I remembered how some of my friends talked about it -- with all the brutality. I just watched the movie thinking it was a child's movie. It was edited but not edited enough. It was still obviously not a child's movie and I could talk about the utter epic brutality the film showed from start to end.

We could start with the obvious -- Conan in the movie is NOT a child friendly hero but an anti-hero. He's a thief and a womanizer. He's nowhere near the toned down 90s version of Conan who would beat up a band of thieves and wouldn't sleep around because the cartoon wasn't meant for adults. This Conan was someone who was bloody and brutal. He wasn't a conventional hero. He's not out there to destroy the Snake Cult because he's got a family trapped in stone -- they're freaking dead in the film! Also, his purpose of chasing the Snake Cult is to have his revenge which makes him all hollow inside after the film is over.

We see scenes that doesn't make Conan really much of a hero. You can see him at the beginning as a brutal gladiator. He would do anything to have his revenge on the villains. He saw his village rampaged and his mind is consumed with revenge. He's later seen with Subotai and Valeria (though her name was only mentioned in the very less successful second film... WTF) where they seek to invade the Tower of Set. They don't enter the Tower of Set because they want to save people but only because they want to steal the greatest jewel of all -- the Eye of the Serpent!

The villains aren't the cartoon villains we had in the Conan the Barbarian movie. No, this version of "Wrath-Amon" or Thulsa Doom was no pushover nor some hammy, stupid villain with Serpentor's temper. Granted, Conan the Adventurer was also with Hasbro that time -- the same company that made G.I.Joe. What I also didn't realize was that the movie came first before the epic cartoon -- which suddenly may no longer be so epic or manly for some if you've seen the movie. No, James Earl Jones doesn't have any annoying Naga serpent to keep calling him "Wrath-Amon, Wrath Amon..." but had two real guards namely Rexor and Thorgrim. 

The modus operandi was simple -- the serpent men had plundered villages for weapons of steel. Thulsa Doom wanted steel so badly so he raided Conan's village and murdered his parents. No, they weren't turned into living stone like in the cartoons. They were massacred. Thankfully, Conan's mother's beheading was less obvious while we saw Conan's father get devoured by war hounds. Thulsa Doom doesn't threaten to destroy the village piece by piece but does it without second thoughts. Also, Conan was a young child in this movie in contrast to the cartoon where he was already an adult.

Years later, the serpent men followers of Set now seek conquest of the world. Doom realizes that steel is useless if he doesn't have followers. He establishes the Cult of Set where youths are turned into his mindless, cannibalistic minions that would murder and even eat their enemies. They would even one day offer themselves to his pet serpents if need be -- which he may have done to hide evidence of his true activities. He also has the new philosophy called the Riddle of Steel. Though he hasn't abandoned steel but you can't deny he knows that true power is in the hand that wields the sword. This is one philosophy that unfortunately backfired on him when Conan killed him with the broken sword once owned by Conan's father. That beheading scene did send chills to my spine especially with his head thrown down the stairs!

Not to mention, there's some political drama in the film itself. I always wondered why in the world did Doom seduce King Osric's daughter to be his possession? I didn't understand what it meant by "she is to be... HIS..." which I always had suspicions that she was to marry Doom. Yup, but it was to be a marriage of convenience. I thought of this to be WTF as an adult though -- Doom doesn't need legitimacy as he's already an evil overlord. He can simply take control of any kingdom and make it, "I'm Doom and what I say goes! No legitimacy needed! It's the survival of the fittest!" 

The whole scene of the Princess (Yasimina in the novelization) is that she plays a central part. Doom is to use her to gain control of the Kingdom of Zamora as part of his plans. The princess is wayward like every other youth and she would also be disposable as soon as possible. It made me think of why would Doom even abandon her and he would escape? Why did he soon want to kill her after the battle is lost? It's obvious -- she's disposable. I don't think Doom would intend to make her a life partner. Instead, the unholy alliance would be a convenience that would allow Doom to turn the Kingdom of Zamora into the center of his ever-expanding empire. He would use it in order to achieve more power one way or another.

I admit she was hauntingly beautiful though the actress died way before I saw the film. I felt it was creepy at how I never realized she was dead all along. It sort of reminds me of how I never knew Thuy Trang passed away until so years after she died. It's hauntingly creepy and I still feel so bad for her family right now. I think she could have had a chance to be a grandmother by now. Sigh.